I bet it would keep you up until 2am too.

I mentioned a little while ago that we are moving the first week of January. Last night I was up trying to figure something out.

I was thinking, How am I going to keep my quilt babies safe during this move? I have dozens of quilts, and I bet you the movers will be tempted to use them as moving blankets. This thought sent me into a panic. The thoughts that followed.....

• Okay so to be sure this doesn't happen, I will box them up with tissue paper, and have the movers put a security seal on that box.
• Okay but if it has a seal on it, a would be thief might think its a box of expensive electronics, and it might encourage the theft even more.

Now you may think I'm being paranoid, but we had our storage unit in Michigan broken into when we were overseas. Nothing valuable, just priceless mementos. ya know the stuff that there is no way to replace. So from that experience I am a bit paranoid.

There isn't anything I can do if someone steals the sealed quilt box, right.... But then I decided I would put a nasty note in the box, so if a would be thief opened it they would be greeted with a guilt/fear note.

Then I spent about an hour drafting the note. If you read on the language may be a bit mild..... But think about it what would you say to someone if they stole your quilts? Really? Mine goes something like this...

Dear Douche Bag,

If your opening this box expecting to find a computer or blue ray player, you will be pretty disappointed. But what you took earns you #1 asshole status in my book. I hope you feel terrible about what you did, and if you would like to return this box to me please mail it to this address______________ . If you don't return my quilts to me, then I pray God will bless you with a horrific skin disease, and extreme poverty for the rest of your life. Jerk.

the end.

If you are wondering where I got such a potty mouth I would remind you that I was raised an hour from Detroit. In a perfect world Tim Allen would narrate descriptions of Detroit, and having you rushing to go vacation there. But in the real world, Detroit is still pretty dirty, and dangerous, and it makes the folks in Southeast Michigan pretty colorful. And that extends to where I grew up. (If you have ever been to Detroit, you probably got a little taste of this.(even if you just stopped at the airport for a layover( standing in line to get a sandwich, where the young woman, looks up from her phone at you, rolls her eyes, puts her phone in her pocket, looks up at you with a dirty look, and asks "whatta want?" in a tone that clearly lets you know she will stab you))). Plus my grandma was raised in Detroit, and it made her quite colorful. She is the one that taught me women do fart and burp.

So I have my plan, Security Sealed box, with a note cursing a thief. If you couldn't hand carry your quilts, and you were afraid of theft, what would do?